Thursday, November 29, 2012
Well here is the post I said I was trying to write. I've been trying to word it correctly for a few days and realize there is no perfect way. The Boy and I broke up. I have no idea how people handle long distance relationships, not to say that we handled it incorrectly just the way that worked for us. I wasn't sure if I should tell everyone but this blog is supposed to be about me and what is happening in my life and so I should be able to share that.
Break-ups suck. They do. We dated for 6 1/2 years so its not like either one of us is just ready to walk away and not think about the other again, not going to miss being part of each others family. I am not sure for him and to be honest I wasn't a fan of his mother AT ALL but I did love some of his family. It was not a mutual thing really. It was definitely more me than him. But I don't even know anymore. I felt this way back last year in October when we broke up for the first real breakup we had ever had. It lasted 6 months and somehow we both just kind of fell back into things and ended up back together. He knew what had been going on during our breakup, we remained friends, talking all the time and occasionally hanging out. G and I were talking about relationships all the time then and he kept saying we would end up back together. Most couples have that "last chance" and I think us getting back together was a last ditch effort by the two of us to make it work.
I'm definitely not getting any younger and I think I convinced myself that he was the right guy. BUT all those things about him that led to the break up last year didn't really change. Moving across the world, putting the expectation that we would most likely be thinking marriage when I got back was too much. How in the world did I think we could do that? I am a different person than I was when we met, he is not so much. We want different things and I am not sure I am done figuring out who I am. Neither of us would even be able to fix things with me where I am anyway.
It isn't one of those breakups where I am crying myself to sleep every night but still my heart is broken and I am sad because I somehow had my feelings change with a good guy over the past year or so. Because I am losing the one guy I've ever dated that has never done something to deliberately hurt me. Because all those dreams of marrying him are gone and have been for awhile. Because I don't have my friends and family here to hug me and keep me occupied telling me it will be ok.
So there is my breakup story.