Friday, September 13, 2013

On friends...

So many of you know I have been home almost 2 months now. Luckily I got home while summer was still in full swing which has kept me ridiculously busy. Not only was I enjoying every bit of sun I could catch and every chance I could to catch up or attend some event in the city I have also been looking for a job, trying very very hard not to completely wipe out the bit of savings I came home with and to make sure I make just enough time with The Boy to keep him from giving up hope on me.

Its has been amazing, exhausting and sometimes just down right frustrating. I usually am great ok at managing my time but recently I am starting to feel like I am completely in capable. I continually double book things, I forget completely or just get to the point where I am so tired I don't even want to bother.

Anyway the point of this post is not all of that its about making friends. So as the story goes about 5 years ago I moved from the suburbs of Chicago into the city and realized I had all of 3 good friends left and of those 2, one of them was a terribly toxic friendship and the other had just moved to New York and the other was a G who had recently entered into a toxic relationship that meant I was never seeing him anymore(she hated me). I wanted to make new friends, people I could do fun things in Chicago with, I could travel with, have to talk to who weren't busy with their boyfriends or kids.

I took to the internet as a way to find other girls who might be in similar situations and just wanted to make some new friends. Luck would have it there were A LOT of girls in Chicago looking for friends because making friends after college is EFFING hard! So anyway after organizing dinners once or twice a month with 20+ girls who were always welcome to invite other girls I finally met my core group of girls who just meshed perfectly. They understood my over the top personality and didn't judge me for not giving a shit if you like that I get rowdy when I am happy.

So 4 years passed by and things were great! Along the way I discovered meetup.com and immediately loved it. There are so many groups of girls on there looking for other girls to do things with. So many groups in general for ALL interests.

Then I decided to move to Thailand/China for a year.

And that brings us to now...Ive been home 2 months now like I said and I am realizing that my decision to pick up and leave Chicago for a year has cost me a lot of friendships. No one was angry or mean about it but most just decided that my decision meant our friendship wasn't as important anymore and moved on with their lives. So I returned to find my two best friends(and even those friendships are different than they were before) and not much more than that. Sure everyone keeps in touch via social media and an occasional call but they have all made new friends or just in general moved on with their lives and are not interested.

So after all this I ask...what am I supposed to do with that? How am I supposed to feel about this? I came home thinking my relationships/friendships with people would pick right up and was genuinely heartbroken to find that is not the case.

For now I have decided to not take it personally because that is just how life goes...right? People change over time and move on with their lives how they see fit. I recently decided to make a meetup group for couples to make friends with other couples and I promised myself I would make an effort to meet more Chicago bloggers and attend more events so that I can get out there and meet new people.

But I tell you...it is hard!!

So thats all I have for now....a  long ass post about how I am feeling. Hopefully sometime soon I can report progress on this front!  Do you have any experience with making friends after college??




4 comments

Kenya said...

Don't take it personally, a lot can happen in a year for both you and your friends. It may just take some time to get back into groove of things as well.

Stephanie said...

Hang out with me :)
It's hard I think, because you were gone. They found other people to hang out with and it's not easy to dive back in after missing things. But it's not you! Happens to everyone I think, regardless of moving. People just change.

Erin said...

friendships are hard. they take work and making an effort to hang out with your old friends is probably all it will take!

Mary said...

I'm in Chicago! Let's meet up! :)

With Curls & Cocktails ALL RIGHTS RESERVED © Revel and Design - Powered by Blogger